Wednesday, November 26, 2008

For Shelia ... updated.

Mommy, don’t worry about me. I know,
that you know me leaving you was always God’s plan.
Sleeping silently, waiting to be born.
Let your heart not grow hard in the absence of me.
I need for you to bleed and heal. I need you to feel.
Please still find my fingers in your hair,
Touching your heart to give you understanding that
my passing is not in vain.
Continue to tell the stories of we.
Tell the tale of our history.
Make the stillness of my lungs be your reminder
to live everyday until breathing is no longer required.
Mommy, I have been transformed.
Waiting inside gates,
holding the hands of Abraham and David
being my assurance that my sins didn’t
weigh me down but lifted me here.
Now I am everything that my dreams decided
was too expensive for me to believe in.
I am the calm before the storm,
I am the north star shinning bright to lead the lost home.
I am the ink in someone that is scared of needles,
saying I regret nothing.
I am the fist of the women,
who today decided to fight back.
I am the first child support check after 18 years of him saying
“I am paying shit for that Kid”
I am the blanket, wrapped around a mother who gave her baby back to heaven.
I am love vibrating off ear drums.
I am the strength that a
victim found telling his rapist.
“Daddy I forgive you”
I hold children who’s bellies have been filled with hate and tape worms.
I shield soldiers,
dying on the front line for
their babies who are still to young
to remember their faces.
I am the tickle of funny bones in the middle of a funerals.
I am the broken bottles of pending AA members.
I am kids playing in school yards
not worried about
skin color or sexual preference. I am the rosary without the cross
clenched close to your chest. Being your reminder of things hoped for.
I am still me only better. I am still what you want me to be,
only greater. I am your protector and
in return you have
become be everything. Beautifully placed in my
history as my Queen. Please, continue to let me
live in your memory. Let your heartbeat now beat for 2.
See my face when
you stare at full moons. Live life anew. Let not your womb feel lonely without me. Fill your now vacant cavity of those who still need a mommy. I need you to live on without me physically because Spiritually I could never leave you. I still belong to you and
though God had another plan. Please know that I still love you.


Anonymous said...

It's beautiful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you...
and on and on...

Shannon's Mom

Shelle said...