My new Book... " Quiet, the voices in my head have something to say... Debuts Nov 19 @ Killeen Poetry Slam.

Protein

To the man that will only let me love him from a glance.

 In the mist of our daily small talks and general debates about everything and nothing,

he looks me square in the eyes and says

 “Don’t fall for me,

 Let your heart swoon for someone who has enough

 beats in his own chest to reciprocate the feeling.

Why believe in something that is bone dry?

There is no more fight in this cupid’s arrow.

I have only crafted bullets in the form of I’m sorry’s and.

 I like you too much to turn you into a victim of my

 lack of experience in how to hold pretty things too long.”

 And In the middle of watching his mouth formulate excuses

as to why we would be as hopeless as buffalo coins used in a 21st century economy.

 I laughed because once again I have fallen for my own reflection.

 I too am one of those singles that love to mingle with lonely covers at night,

Been that, who needs to know last names when we just fucking kind of girl,

We feel the most alive, when we kill the most precious parts of ourselves.

 How many times have I committed to memory to those same lines?

“It’s not you, it’s me”

“I am really not a good person”

“There is another woman that would be better for you”

“Hating me would save you more time than loving me ever would”

“Don’t fall for me”

Looking back, I can’t remember if I really believed that

Or if I just didn’t want to be bothered.

Gravity prevents you from using your breaks when falling.

I’d would rather not jump if it means

I was not going to have bruised feelings.

 I guess he was trying to save me.

Didn’t want my delicate frame of mind to be trampled by the

 Monster he thought he become.

He acts as if I had control over my misguided steps.

Grasping for hands that were never meant to hold me in the long run,

but I can’t retract emotions,

botteling them up would be like trying to

contain the ocean in your hands.

His running shoes have been laced up for just this type occasion;

avoiding potential heart failure is easier than having the

same misguided steps that I just went through. 

He sees love like fables that never have a real ending

He tells me “The ache in your chest is heartburn,

stop dealing with hot men.

Your tongue deserves more from you than for you to keep saying my name”

And he’s right, usually when people see Mount Everest

they turn the other way, but I have never been known as a quitter,

picking your battles is how you win the war so I told him

“I didn’t give my heart permission to stop for anyone.

When it erratically jumps for you or anyone else, it lets me know I at least can

still feel something for someone.

I would rather keep giving my wishes to the stars

then have them not fall at the thought of you.

You see a broken man but I see a man that is healing.

The worst that could have happen is we become

best friends and that seems the best situation cause

 when you get on my nerves I can send your ass home.” 

Then he laughed, then I laughed.

See that is how fast time turns.

My momma once told me “don’t let go of good things”

and baby you have been the best thing.

Stop holding on to the man you wanted to be

and fall for  the man you are, cause he is worth your attention.

We are just patches of yesterday trying to make today one for the record books.

I do not need your permission to believe you are my hero.

One day you will stop thinking and start believing with me.  

Be there or you will be that Guy... or Girl... Don't be that.

Moon dust.

When you kiss the moon dust off of her love drunken eyes….
Once you finally can trace every curve of her body and know that she saved everything good about her for you.
When you touch her and hear her moans cascade through your ear drums…
You will realize they will never be as deafening as the once I released when you left me.
No matter how hard you press inside her doesn’t mean she will turn into diamonds.
Loosen your grip on the bed sheets.
Look her in the eyes, that’s the least you could do since you can’t stop seeing my face.
We seem to orgasm in octaves
You will cum inside of her and apologize for all the shit you did to me.
You will cry in her arms and she will mistake it for love…
She will see you as a beautiful dream come true that she can carve in her trunk like soul.
But most times trees have no idea where they are planting their roots.
All the same, when you kiss the moon dust off of her love drunken eyes…
She will thank no to one in particular …. And I will say your welcome.

Summary of National ... and then some.

Looking back on the 2010 National Poetry Slam I call it as a bittersweet memory... on one had I got to work with some talented writer and performer and meet the same. I finally got to perform an indie and helped my team get to semi (YAY!!!) I watched my former team and current family ( Neo Soul Slam Team) make it to final stage... Fyi that should have been us last year but anyway... I loved all the people I met and even the ones that I am going to met in the future... I truly felt like a sophomore in high school .. didn't feel like the new kid but def was not the upperclassman running the school... I guess my time will come when I am the one people are looking for to take pictures with and know what inspires me as a writer... OHHHHH and how could I forget talking about the SNO team ( Team New Orleans) I know that my city is in good hands with that bunch... In short ( ha like I can do anything in short but my height) I had a great experience and I cant wait to experience Iwps and Wowps..... I am working on some new stuff and when I get it off paper they are going to KILL... ( well I hope not really cause that would be bad .. I mean who am I going to get scores from if everyone is dead) ... anyway .. Now I am in Houston in school to do this poetry thing full time and get a decent salary for it.. I love all of my teachers but the Great Financial Aid has not kicked in yet so I am alittle nervous but I know that everything will work out as it should... I cant wait to have this degree... soo I am going to have to end this short.. but I will keep you all posted on my comings and goinnings... I think that is how you spell it. anyway talk to you all soo ( or type to you all soon)

They Speak Youth Slam Mission: $500 in 5 days.

Dear Supporters & Friends,

It’s that time of year again and the Texas Youth Word Collective is scrambling to raise the necessary funds to take Austin’s They Speak Youth Poetry Slam Team to Brave New Voices International Youth Poetry Slam Festival 2010 (BNV) in Los Angeles. We have a very exciting team this year and they’re counting on us to get them there.

Our immediate need is to raise $500 in 5 days to purchase their airline tickets! We hope that you’ll consider making a donation to the cause and two ways for you to accomplish this:

Website: Go to www.txywc.org
Enter the website and click on the “Home” button
Click on the “Donate” button for our Paypal page

Snail Mail: Or, you can mail a check to “TYWC”
Texas Youth Word Collective
8301 Zyle Road, Austin, TX 78737



All donations are tax-deductible.

We’re very excited about our team this year! Coached by Christopher Michael (Killeen Poetry Slam Founder, 2 time Austin Poetry Slam Champion, 2nd Place National Poetry Slam Indie Winner) - Shanitria Harris (3 time Austin Youth Slam Champion, 4 time team member!) from Texas State University, Zachary Caballero (Hendrickson H.S.), Lauren “Zuri” Hendricks (Texas Empowerment Academy), and Sheenika Medard (Hutto H.S.) have already been entertaining audiences around Austin as they prepare for their trip. You can learn more about our program and the team by visiting our website.

What is BNV? It’s not all about the competition! BNV offers youth the opportunity to participate in workshops, open mics, and ciphers, as well as attending performances by internationally renowned spoken word artists such as Saul Williams, Hodari Davis, Marc Bamuthi Joseph, and DJ Kool Herc, to name a few. This year’s BNV schedule includes the following activities:

The First Wave Show
Coaches Open Mic
Opening Ceremonies
Brave New Voices Writing Workshops
Brave New Voices Town Hall meeting
The Peoples Championship (Individual Late-Night Slam Tournament)
The Brave New Leaders Conference
The Brave New Teachers Conference (Sat. 7/24/10)
2nd Annual BNV MC Olympics
Brave New Voices Speak Green (sponsored by Robert Redford)
Brave New Voices Grammy Museum Tour
The International Youth Poetry Slam
Quarter Finals (Begins with 50 teams)
Semi Finals (Reserved for 16 teams)
Finals (Reserved for the final 4 teams)
Open Mics, Cyphers, and more….

This year there will be 750 participants from over 50 international communities! Participating cities include: San Francisco, New York City, Chicago, Los Angeles, Boston, London, Miami, Washington DC, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Seattle, New Orleans, Detroit, Houston, Oakland, Santa Fe, Portland, Denver, St. Louis, Kansas City, Albuquerque, Hawaii, Hartford, Minneapolis/St. Paul, Phoenix, Nashville, St. Louis, Cleveland, Jacksonville, Charlotte, Madison, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Baton Rouge, Chapel Hill, Milwaukee, Ann Arbor, Ypsilanti, Plymouth, Kalamazoo, Indianapolis, Ft. Lauderdale, Burlington, Newark, Watts, Fontana, Mendocino, Austin, Anchorage, Taos, Chico, Navajo Nation, Hopi Nation, Pueblo Nation, Chimayo, San Jose, Jersey City, Baltimore, Savannah, Mexicalli, Louisville, Amherst, Las Vegas, Eugene Canandaigua, Worcester, Leeds (UK), Mostar (Bosnia).

This is an amazing opportunity for our youth! Please help them realize their dream by taking a few moments to donate to the cause.



Sincerely,



Sheila Siobhan, Executive Director
Texas Youth Word Collective
They Speak Youth Poetry Slam
(512) 422-6653
u21slam@yahoo.com
www.txywc.org

been gone a while

I have been wearing many hats these days and blogger just have not been one of them... lol. From moving to coaching to being on a team.. i am doing alot but it is all worth it. Learning alot about myself and the people around me this summer that I never thought I would learn. I and constructing a better me and last night I became resolved to go natural.. now my 3 best friends have one eyebrow lifted cuase I said I was never going the way of the natural... but at this time in my life I would want nothing more.. I am tired of having to have straight hair for feel pretty or love.. you must think that it is silly to equaite love with how your hair looks.. but there is nothing like the feeling of getting a fresh perm .. the movement, the softness, i dare say it is better than sex... I use to be there every 6 weeks... then I pushed it to every 8 weeks... now I am tired of waisting money on styles that dont last.. I have been getting perm at least before I was 5 so I am ready to see what god really gave me... I know that my hair is thick but I am in need of change and what perfect way to start anew than with your hair. I am beginning to fall in love with myself and it is a weird feeling but I am taking everything in and letting go of dead ends.

Peace
T

Freewrite...

Sometimes I love broken....
uneven in dark lines of selfishness..
I want to be better
Shadows tried to make me feel comfortable...
but sticky corners have never left me easy
I never wanted to love you
broken down
parts of me are answered in riddles
I don't know what I am doing
moving life close to yours makes me scared
I don't make decisions very well
loving you hard makes me not want to love at all
but I cant
i wont stop
emotions
they leave me heavy
need bulemic like hugs with you
I cant understand the distance
I need you close to me
in me
breath me
love me
All I wanted for you to do i love me...
I need you to hold me.
make my yesterdays quiver at the very presence of you...
I want you to be present when you make love to me..
Don't be in the moment
be forever making plans with me...
I left me sure things to be left unstable...
Sit down at round tables and make babies with me...
I need to carry your seed so we can grow together..
I need you forever...
I need us together...
make this last or leave me alone..

The Promise.

When you kiss the moon dust
off of her love drunken eyes,
turn her over,
make love to her until she
cries into multiple organisms.
Put your finger at the small of her back
and marvel at all the good things she has
stored for you.
Look into her eyes as you slowly enter her,
physically and mentally.
You will kiss her tears as they flow down
her cheek for you;
make love to her as if you were
giving the last of you.
When you finally let her rest,
watch her as she lays naked in your arms.
The moon will glow so bright that night,
making the sun grown in envy
at not being able to see you at your finest.
You will mark time with her smiles
and you always call it a blessing
to have the ability to catch her
just in case she misses
her footing on the way to your heart.
You will write her name first,
your last name second just so you can
physically hold forever in your hands.
You will shout at the top of your lungs
in a room, where no one else is present but you
and your insecurities and promise that this
woman will be the one that will make you
proud to be a man, her man.
You will place her palm in yours,
get on that knee that has been heavy lately.
You will tell her ,
your life has never been the same since she
stumbled into your chest cavity.
You will tell her that you have been blessed
beyond measure
and you wouldn’t mind if you could spend
forever with her.
She will cry,
that same stunning cry that you have waited for
since you realized what good love was.
She will walk to you in the mist of family and
friends and while everyone watches her,
she will be watching you
she will whisper I love you
and you will melt in front of everyone
your emotion will leave you weightless.
Soon she will carry your seeds,
her hips, stomach and nose will spread like
second chances and you will call her beautiful
and you will mean it……
And when all of these things happen,
you will smile and think of me.
You will strive to be the best man for her that
you just couldn’t be for me.
And when you sit in old rocking chairs,
holding the weathered hand of a love that you
never thought your heart could hold…
you will say thank you
and I will say you’re welcome.

She is gone but not forgotten...

Bunny was loved by so many and so much was said about her I don't want to sound like a repeat box (if that even exist) I just want to say I loved her and she was the best.... Me and Jomar performed at 501 Studios for Shannon Leigh Tribute... and she thought that we were good enough to be in a pilot she was working on... that fell through but she never stopped believing in us. I only got to know her two years and I had no idea how many lives she really touched... she was beyond amazing and I was there the night of her last performance... we all knew she was sick but she was giving Cancer a run for its money... I check out her facebook page everyday just to know that I am not the only one missing her... Austin Poetry Slam is hosting a Memorial/ Party for Gabrielle homecoming on Sunday, 2/21/2010. I think that it will start at 7 or 8. Please check Austin Poetry Slam for more details... people from all over the country are coming to send our girl off right.. i may even take a shot of whiskey. (she is laughing at that one). Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts.. I miss you girl. See you soon.

"What are you waiting for" -Gabby

Trail of Tears...

They say her tears will never cover
the scars he made.
She had dreams, big dreams.
Seems even imaginations fade
when prince charming comes along.
He made her sit in ivory towers with no family or friends to comfort her.
She convinced herself that all she needed was him.
They met when she was 14.
What she didn’t know was his daddy already showed him the blueprint of a woman’s body.
He knew how to touch her just right to stop breathing.
It only took two years for her to fall in love,
lose what little friends she had,
get pregnant 3 times and carry none full term, have 3 broken ribs,
have a new smile and a shattered soul.
(FACT)
Out of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship
Her mother once told her “It ain’t rape if its your man and boys will be boys, one hit ain’t gonna kill ya.”
But he will and they do,
these shes become interchangeable
with new names and faces,
new stories and bruises.
She was 15 and caught a nice one in the eye because she forgot to refer to her boyfriend as sir.
She was 17, stomach was covered is beautiful hues of blacks and blues, causing God like imprints of his boots cause she was watching the football game to hard.
There’s only a fist difference between strong woman and abused.
I wish someone would have told her she was beautiful before she became his punching bag,
waiting for the stuffing to fill back in.
If you think you see a she…
even if it is in fragments of mirrored reflections
tell her love is not abuse…
cause If you don’t tell her … then who will?
Fact
Every 5 min, an act of violence is done in a relationship where one of the partners are between the ages of 15 to 18.
Facts
Facts
Facts mean nothing when…
They say her tears will never cover
the scars he made.
She had dreams, big dreams.

Happy bithday mel...

No tears just smiles.

Love you Mel.