Kisses

When you kiss me my heart goes cold.
Becoming less bold, shamble body losing its soul.
Making my mind crush under the pressure of knowing
that you are not going to be coming back to our romantic dinners.
I have left my voice box on repeat with my previous approved speech.
Regurgitating “Yes sir, your kisses are my bliss”, “Yes sir, I am ok with this”.
But my days of being the confined concubine have ended.
No longer will I pretend that this heartbreak doesn’t hurt too much,
That seeing you with her doesn’t hurt too much.
Each time my mind rakes over these lines,
Trying to collect my thoughts to see if I did all I could to save this strange love.
Or was it doomed the day we started this twisted love game,
or maybe I should have said my final goodbyes when I learned your name.
Forgive me for I have gotten off subject,
I don’t want to bring any attention to my ill behavior
Cause honestly, I would rather live a lie,
Than have the ongoing day mares of you not by my side.
Even though you no longer reside within me, the confirmation of your kisses
Still make my heart go in overdrive, tying to think clearly,
Creating strategies to keep you near me.
I stand in the face of my frienemy, who tried to be a friend to me,
but little does she know that her kindness is killing me.
She makes it hard to hate her, when I know her soul was made for him.
My heart carries constant contusions of your “I love you’s” to another.
This game has created within me self hate.
I have regular psychological inter-debates to create a solution for why
I couldn’t be the center of your desire.
Why my love was never enough.
I have to believe that this was God’s will,
to have a angel in disguise be our catalyst,
bring us to such a rapid end,
But your kisses still linger on my skin, still making my heart go slow, screwed, and chopped up.
Your lips pressed against my skin causing my body to shudder,
no longer hearing the sound, just feeling the vibration.
I wish there was a return policy on broken hearts,
I am not even asking for a new one, just one that never knew you.
Because this one has no space for anything or anyone new… it cries, it smiles, and it longs for you.
Your scent is laced in my speech, so when I speak you essence still flow so freely.
Still making me feel weak and when I think that I am at my peak on missing you.
I catch a glimpse of your smile and my heart goes right back to being your love child.
After all the pain, I still want to thank you.
I learned that death is not defined by physically not being,
but it can come when your “I Do’s” are placed with someone
that is not your reflection in the mirror.
My lifeline now lingers on your left middle finger,
being my contestant reminder that we are really over.
I love you, this is my final Goodbye and
I will miss your kisses because they made my heart go…